Quotes from Conan The Attacking Midfielder:
Conan’s Father: Fire and wind come from the sky, from the gods of the sky. But Crom is your god, Crom and he lives on the earth. Once, rugby players lived on the Earth, Conan. And in the darkness of chaos, they fooled Crom, and they took from him the enigma of football. Crom was angered. And the Earth shook. Fire and wind struck down these rugby players, and they threw their bodies into the waters, but in their rage, the gods forgot the secret of football and left it on the playing field. We who found it are just men. Not gods. Not giants. Just men. The secret of football has always carried with it a mystery. You must learn its riddle, Conan. You must learn its discipline. For no one – no one but your team can you trust. Not money, not WAGs, not agents.
[Points to ball]
Conan’s Father: This you can trust.
The Wizard: He did not care any more… life and death… the same. Only that the crowd would be there to greet him with howls of lust and fury. He began to realize his sense of worth… he mattered. In time, his victories could not easily be counted… he was taken to England, a great prize, where the managers would teach him the deepest secrets. Language and writing were also made available, the poetry of Ferguson, the philosophy of Dalglish; and he also came to know the pleasures of women, when he was bred to the finest stock. But, always, there remained the discipline of football.
Manager: Hao! Dai ye! We won again! This is good, but what is best in life?
Player: Tiki taka, fleet wingers, high pass completion, and total football.
Manager: Wrong! Conan! What is best in life?
Conan: To crush the defenders, see the midfield driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of their coaches.
Manager: That is good! That is good.
Sheikh Mansour: I wish to speak to you now. Where is the Cup of the FA? Rexor says that you gave it to a girl, probably for a mere night’s pleasure, hmm? What a loss. People have no grasp of what they do. You came into my stadium, stole my property, injured my center back, and my STRIKER! And that is what grieves me the most! You crushed his confidence. Mancini is beside himself with grief! He coached Balotelli from the time he was born.
Conan: You killed my mother! You killed my father, you killed my people! You took my father’s team… ah
[Rexor twists his arm]
Sheikh Mansour: Ah. It must have been when I was younger. There was a time, boy, when I searched for goals, when goals meant more to me than gold or jewels.
Conan: The riddle… of football.
Sheikh Mansour: Yes! You know what it is, don’t you boy? Shall I tell you? It’s the least I can do. Goals don’t matter, boy, possession matters more! Look around you. There, in the box; a clear scoring opportunity. Pass to me, my child…
Sheikh Mansour: [coaxes the player to pass in front of an open goal]
Sheikh Mansour: That is strength, boy! That is power! What are goals compared to high pass completion? Look at the strength in your body, the desire in your heart, I gave you this! Such a waste. Contemplate this on the treatment table. Crucify him!
Conan: Crom, I have never prayed to you before. I have no tongue for it. No one, not even you, will remember for who we played. Where we stood, or what we wore. All that matters is that eleven stood against eleven. That’s what’s important! Goals please you, Crom… so grant me one request. Grant me revenge! And if you do not listen, then to HELL with you!
Title Card: So, did Conan return the wayward Cup of the FA to its home. And having no further concern, he and his teammates sought games in the West. Many derbys and finals did Conan play. Honor and fear were heaped upon his name and, in time, he became a coach by his own hand… And this story shall also be told.